Why ‘Core’ Matters
When I talk about your ‘core,’ I’m talking about your personhood, the self underneath all of the adaptations you’ve had to make along the way.
Who were you before you learned that you had to be easy to love? Before you learned to keep the peace? Before you learned to hide certain parts of yourself to stay safe, understood, accepted, or good?
Life changes us. Sometimes we adapt in ways that help us survive a particular environment, relationship, or season of life. Sometimes those same adaptations follow us long after we need them.
We can lose touch with what we actually want, what we believe, what we need, and what feels true to us. We start saying yes when we mean no. We look to the most powerful person in the room to decide what is okay. We make choices based on other people’s values. We protect ourselves so carefully that vulnerability, connection, and trust become difficult.
Part of therapy can be finding your way back to yourself.
01
Curiosity →
learn more
02
Observation →
gather data
03
Reflection →
decide what stays and what changes
04
Expansion →
make room for more possibilities
Curiosity
Start with curiosity.
We don’t have to be afraid of ourselves or other people in order to understand what’s happening. Curiosity gives us somewhere to start. When we get curious, we gather more information, and with more information comes more possibility.
Understanding ourselves and the people around us can also make room for more grace.
Observation
Pay attention before you assume.
We make a lot of assumptions about ourselves and other people, and those assumptions can create a great deal of anxiety. Observation gives us a chance to slow down and ask what is actually before we decide what it means.
Reflection
Take time to reflect.
How did you behave? How were you treated? Did you like the way you showed up? Is there something you want to keep? Is there something you want to let go of?
We can’t make those decisions if we never stop long enough to look.
Expansion
Make room for more.
When we understand ourselves more clearly, we have more choices. We can become more open to experiences, relationships, possibilities, and ways of living that may not have felt available to us before.
That’s where expansion comes in.